All we’ve heard lately are the plans of the Republican candidates, as to what they will do after becoming president. We forget that President Obama may be re-elected. He has plans too. He’s revealed most of them, in the State of the Union speech and in his actions so far, he just hasn’t written them down. I thought I’d write them for him so he won’t have to.
After his re-election, Obama will face a sobering challenge — it will be his last term. Without a reason to campaign full-time, he’ll have to divide his time between more vacationing and more partying with rich folks and taking money for Democrats in exchange for government favors and exemptions.
He plans to make the Executive Branch more efficient by creating two more cabinet positions: The Department of Republican Bashing will assume the job of telling everyone how bad Republicans are, freeing the President to play more golf and travel around. The Department of Tax Code Tweaking will seek new deductions that encourage businesses to hire more workers while going bankrupt. Complicating taxes has been an important tool of Democrats since President Wilson. The President is considering a deduction for not taking any deductions. Tax reform and simplification must be avoided at all costs.
The President’s plans for jobs, energy, and the economy are all related to environmental protection and union appeasement. The new cabinet positions will create many jobs. After increasing the number of federal employees by 15% in his first term, he ought to be able to add another 15% in his second. He’ll continue to create jobs – in other countries – by driving American businesses away with more regulations and higher taxes. His proposed minimum tax on millionaires is actually a doubling of the capital gains tax. To please the greenies, he’ll maintain his stranglehold on oil, gas, and coal production. For the unions, he’ll make certain that no state with right-to-work laws can obtain new business, if he can help it.
He plans to expand the Environmental Protection Agency. The EPA’s new breathing regulations will reduce the carbon dioxide emitted by the American public. The “no breathing on Sunday” rules are controversial, but will make a large dent in greenhouse gases. Obamacare will cover any side effects of not breathing.
His plans for entitlement reforms? He’ll let the Republicans do all the work, then he’ll stop them. Entitlement recipients vote.
Health care? When the Supreme Court strikes down Obamacare, he’ll ignore their ruling while saying he’s obeying it. Fortunately, he’s improved his game on ignoring the Constitution and his oath to defend it. He’s learned how to enforce only the laws he likes.
For illegal immigration reform, he’ll push for instant citizenship, allowing illegals to qualify for food stamps, welfare, and voting. But, they’ll have to pass a test. The test will consist of one question: “Habla English?” (“Si” is the correct answer.)
Obama’s plans for the federal deficit? He’ll tell the Senate to extend the record of no budget proposals by Democrats to 2000 days. He’ll instruct his party to ignore all urges to economize. Actually, they never have urges of this sort. He’ll raise the federal debt to mega-trillions, but at the right time, he’ll start a war with China, then confiscate all their American assets. China will go bankrupt. Easy win. Even if we lose the west coast cities, it’s worth it.
In his foreign policy, he’ll continue to ignore all problems in the Middle East, while saying what he’s doing is working.
The President will pursue his current wars. His war on Christians is going well. His class warfare plans are to tax the rich 500%. (send every millionaire a bill for 5 times his/her total income. They have savings, don’t they?)
President Obama will have many challenges in his second term, but he is up to tackling them. His new mobile golf course office will allow him to keep his finger on the pulse of the American people. No pulse? No problem.