If President Obama decided to write an open letter, it might read like this:
Open letter to the world:
The enemy is all around us. They may be in the majority. They’re trying to take over.
They resist all my efforts to solve the world’s problems. The most significant problems, of course, are climate change, income inequality, unequal treatment of LGBT folks, political incorrectness, and resistance to unlimited immigration, including my desire to bring in lots of Muslims and Mexicans.
Income inequality is particularly galling. The notion that some folks have more income than others is appalling. My enemies don’t understand that. Everyone should be paid the same as I am, not counting my perks. (We can’t all fly around in a Boeing 747, any time, and anywhere in the world.) Bernie Sanders agrees with me. The only problem we have with that is that if everyone is paid the same, we won‘t be able to find any rich people to tax. But of course we can keep running up the national debt.
You find my enemies in the Congress, although I must admit I treat my enemies there like dirt but they always give me what I want (otherwise I’ll shut down the government and blame them.)
The enemy has taken over radio commentary and has even made inroads in network news. Fortunately, my side still has control of most newspapers, such as the Kansas City Star, the New York Times, and the Washington Post. We still hold the universities and most of the movie makers.
They constantly criticize my efforts to bring peace to the Middle East. After all, ISIL, which my right hand man John Kerry calls Daesh (for no apparent reason,) is being contained. The containment area keeps growing, and Russia and Iran have moved into a portion of it, but we have a coalition of 65 nations to fight ISIL (which some call ISIS) or is it 650 nations? I never can remember.
The people of this country should not be worried about “foreign religious philosopy-inspired misbehavior” even if it occurs in the United States. As you can see, I have changed the name again so that Muslim feelings won’t be hurt. My enemies want to call it “Radical Islamic . . .” Oh, I just can’t say it.
Most of the world doesn’t really appreciate my brilliance as much as I do. They don’t appreciate John Kerry’s brilliance. The agreement with Iran that I crafted and he so forcefully negotiated is an example. We’ve gotten the Iranians to inspect themselves, which saves them a great deal of work. And, we have their promise they won’t develop an atomic weapon until I’m out of office. I truly value the promise of Muslims, because I are one.
As I enter my last year in control of the United States, I can take pride and comfort that Hillary will continue my work, and she might even consent to use a secure server. My party’s efforts, led by me, have made so many folks dependent on government that her election is guaranteed. This shows that they value their welfare more than integrity or the welfare of the country. They don’t care if their president is incompetent. If Hillary has any integrity, she stole it from someone, but she has the quality I value: in that she’s a total Leftist ideologue, as I am, and will continue to remake our country.
My enemies say I have governed against the will of the people, but I have a solid forty percent who say, perhaps with crossed fingers or eyes, that I have done a good job as President. But, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, after all, I’m the smartest person in the room, no matter what the room is or who’s in it.
Sincerely, Barack Hussein Obama. Prez, whether you like it or not.